Learning from Failures
Khushal Yousafzai
Guest Speaker at OSP 2024
Growing up, I was constantly afraid of failing. School was a place I dreaded, and I avoided trying new things because I was terrified of looking foolish. Growing up in Pakistan, the education system was harsh. It didn’t take students’ individual needs into account. If we made a mistake, we would get beaten by our teachers. I had no interest in school, and my poor academic performance earned me the label of being "dumb" by many.
Just as I developed a bit of interest in education, life threw me into an unimaginable nightmare. On October 9, 2012, my sister, Malala Yousafzai, was attacked by the Taliban. This left me deeply scarred for many years. During my session with OSP, I shared the horrors of that day and the lasting impact it had on me. The trauma of the attack and the constant fear that followed took a severe toll on my mental health, leading to struggles with depression and PTSD.
After relocating to the UK, I struggled with a sense of displacement. I couldn’t speak English well, and I felt completely out of place. My self-esteem plummeted, and I viewed myself as inferior and unworthy. I missed my life in Pakistan. My GCSE exams were approaching, and nobody, including my father, expected me to perform well. I, too, had little hope. At that point, I was a lazy teenager addicted to video games, filled with anger, and still dreading school.
However, in Year 10/11, something changed within me. The fear of regretting my performance in the exams motivated me to put in an enormous effort. Surprisingly, I ended up with A*s and As. Despite the success, I still felt hollow, undeserving, and burdened by insecurity.
As I entered my A-levels, I began comparing myself to other students, often in a negative light. A persistent voice in my head kept telling me I was too dumb to get into university. Many students struggle with similar doubts, but unfortunately, we rarely speak about this inner turmoil. I certainly didn’t.
By the time my A-levels came around, I was battling severe depression. I started failing my mock exams, missed school, and was haunted by nightmares from the traumas of my past. I remember spending two days in bed, paralyzed by anxiety, staring at my books, and unable to revise for my exams. I failed them, ending up with B, D, and E grades. I lost my offers from my dream universities, King’s College London (KCL) and UCL. I felt crushed and ashamed.
However, after that failure, I decided to give myself a second chance. Despite pressure from others to apply to universities through clearing, I chose to retake my A-levels. I stopped pretending everything was okay and finally asked for help. I opened up to my family and friends about my depression and PTSD. Through sharing, I found some peace. During my retake year, I took on new challenges—martial arts, debating, and reading self-help books—to improve my mental health. That extra year allowed me to process my traumas and gain confidence. Eventually, I received an offer from KCL and graduated in 2023.
Through this journey, I learned that fear of failure is not a sustainable motivation. True growth comes from learning from our mistakes. My message to the OSP students was that failure is not the end, but a necessary part of success. We learn more from our failures than from our successes. My goal was to remind them to always give themselves a second chance if they fall short. Life will give you second chances—if you give yourself one first.